From Obsessing to “I’m Getting Over It” 

 February 9, 2023

By  Kristin Rivas

Time To Get Off The Struggle Bus!

Are you attracted to someone but aren't getting the same level of interest in return?

Do you keep spinning on the merry go round of a toxic relationship?

Is it time to break it off with with a person you can tell is not the best fit for you?

This journaling exercise is intended to help you break the cycle of obsessing or staying in connection with someone when it doesn’t serve you. Hint: they're just not that into you in the way you deserve! If you are processing an actual break-up, this journaling exercise, as well as the one in my How To Get Over Your Ex After A Break Up blogpost, will definitely be helpful.

Answer any of the questions below that seem useful to you. Use them as guideposts to help clarify your thinking beyond the world of fantasy and back into a healthy reality. These questions can also help you decide why you want to move on with your life and how to do it.

All The Feels...

✦ Describe the pleasant feelings you get when you think of or interact with this person.

✦ Describe any sad or unhealthy feelings.

✦ What got you hooked about this other person? What specifically about them?

✦ What does this person acknowledge in you that makes you feel special?

✦ What are you still wanting this person to acknowledge in you?

✦ What qualities about this person, their life, or the life you imagine leading with them are aspirational for you? In other words, what about this person represents what you want in your own life? The kind of person you want to be?

Time For A Reality Check...

Realistically, if you were to try and make it work and this relationship were to play out in real life, what do you think would actually happen? Consider as many ways you can think of to get a clearer idea of how this relationship could go. Write out a paragraph or two for how each of these scenarios would play out:

The Fairy Tale — You guys get together...what’s the happily ever after?

The Tragedy — Who gets hurt in order for you to be together? After the initial honeymoon phase?

The Rejection — They decide it’s a no go. How would that be for you?

The ‘Over it’ — You decide to leave it be and move on becoming a wiser, stronger person.

After writing out these scenarios, what insights come up? Which one of these scenarios do you even truly want for yourself and for this person? Which scenario is best for everyone?

Watch Out For These Truth Bombs...

✦ What would your wisest self tell you to hold out for?

✦ What would your best friend (or role model - like Oprah) say, or advocate for?

✦ What events or actions have given you hope that something will happen, or could work out with this person? What actions has this person taken, or not taken, that negate your fantasies? Or what might actually be evidence that they are not interested, and it’s never gonna happen?

✦ What is the reality of the situation? What are facts you may have been ignoring until now?

✦ What are you grieving now that you think about the evidence? What are your regrets?

✦ If you were to say what you really think and want to the other person, what would you say?

Obsessing to Over It

Filling The Void...

✦ What voids have fantasizing or staying connected to this person been filling in your life? In other words, what needs has this person been meeting for you?

✦ What is the bigger picture in terms of what you want for your life? Think about what you want in general, and specifically, with a life mate — describe any qualities of the person you’ve been fixated on but do not refer to this person specifically.

✦ How could you begin to create what you want for your life, without this person, starting within the next month? Within three months, six months, or a year?

✦ What can you say to yourself that would honor your humanity in this situation and help yourself to feel encouraged right now?

Moving On And Getting Your Groove Back...

✦ What’s your plan for moving forward? In the next few days and weeks?

✦ What support do you need right now, and what support will you need as you take your next steps?

✦ How do you want to handle or prevent the next interaction (if there is one)?

✦ Considering what’s ultimately best for you and anyone else involved, does the next interaction actually need to be handled any differently?

✦ What’s most important to you about handling it in the way that’s ultimately best for you?

Now Give Yourself A Hand!

✦ What can you give yourself credit for already, considering your decision and commitment to move on from this person? How will the actions you take make you feel? e.g. Proud? Relieved?

✦ How will you become a stronger, wiser person for having met and gotten over this person?

Use The Power Of A Magic Mantra:

If you could create a powerful mantra for yourself to repeat every time you needed to get out of a temptation to reconnect with this person, or any kind of soul wrenching, life sucking emotional spiral, what would it be? It better be good...no pressure though! 😉

Additional Next Steps You May Want To Take...

Check out my Resiliency Guided Meditation which will help you cultivate resourcefulness, along with the other meditations found at my shop.  They can help you handle whatever life throws your way so you can thrive each day. If you’re ever in a cheeky mood, try the F*ck That: An Honest Meditation or the F*ck It And Let That $hit Go|Emotional Relief Meditation.

Sometimes it's easier to get to sever an unhealthy attachment and take the next step in your journey with the help of a professional. Consider utilizing my Rapid Resolution Therapy, Hypnotherapy, and NLP services. Together we can help you address the reason you've been pinning for an unrequited love or obsessing over a dysfunctional relationship. Then we can quickly and painlessly clear out trauma, limiting beliefs, or any other possible blocks that have kept you from becoming free from a toxic relationship. That way you can easily move forward with your life in the best possible way ASAP!

Let me know what you think of this post. Make a comment or contact me if you have any questions you'd like me to answer. If you found this information to be helpful, go ahead and share it on social media or with a friend who could use it.

Kristin Rivas

Kristin Rivas is a certified Brain Health Coach, Hypnotherapist, and NLP practitioner who helps people to feel, think, and live better. Specializing in behavior change and goal achievement, she empowers clients to live to their full potential & foster their own wellness. A former TEDx presenter, she is also a highly sought after speaker.

Kristin Rivas

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